Biiiiiitch, pleeeeze.

I swear to God. If I read or hear one more self-professed 'feminist' telling other women how to behave, I am absolutely going to lose my fucking shit.

It was really just a matter of time before I got to this here, because as anyone who knows me knows, I have a lot to say on the subject. It, really, unfortunately, was bound to happen, because I think I was of the thinking that I could keep this site to a certain rigor and not have it be dedicated to 'so I was having coffee and thinking...' or, well, ranting, cus that's not really what I'm here for.

But this storm's been a bruja-ing.

It started with this. Salon's Broadsheet and Mary Elizabeth Williams' entry about Scoring With the Drunk Chick.

For starters, this essay is entirely lacking a cogent argument. I really don't know what the point is here - that women shouldn't drink? Or shouldn't drink, and then have sex? That women are somehow more intolerably loose and out of control than guys are, when drunk? That the Drunk Chick is now a Hollywood stereotype? That women should really behave themselves? You are fucking kidding me with this, are you not? Because you must have been trying to be kidding me here. Um hey, Madame? It's the Victorian era sending you a telegraph - they want their social mores and thinking back.

All of those points are wrong. I...are you seriously relying on Hollywood to not use stereotypes? Really? Are you...you're kidding, right? Were you literally born yesterday? In I Love You, Man and 40 Year Old Virgin just to name a recent very few, the protagonists, dudes, are shown not really holding their liquor very well, eg projectile vomiting and trying or succeeding in sexual encounters that are less than advisable. So, but women are not to do it because...why? Because you told them not to?

People. People. My children, my confidantes, my compatriots.

Feminism is this: it is the belief that people are equal, regardless of gender.

That's it. That's all of it. That's all it is. Equality. I, personally, don't need anyone to tell me how much to drink and when and how or who to hook up with because I can think for myself, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Even though I am just a silly fucking girl, and I'll thank you not to insult my fucking intelligence in telling me a. how to act, b. whether or not to drink, c. when or not to have sex and how, or d. that Hollywood and comedy are all about the stereotypes. Biiiiitch, pleeeeeeeease.

And I get to do that now, think and speak for myself, and act or do however I see fit, and decide to be a doctor or be a full time Mom or jump out of airplanes because the feminists worked and died and got bullied for that right for me, thank you, and I think that I will keep that right, thanks. Sars knows.

And as Tracie Egan of Jezebel fame wrote: I Drink Cus It's Fun, Not Because It's Feminist.

What she said.

And then there was this poster.


Ignoring for a moment that that simply is not Jennifer Aniston's real face, and I don't know but they have pretty much photoshopped her into oblivion, but WHAT? This is like a cute funny thing, grabbing the ass of a woman? Who clearly looks like she's headed to work? So like, that's ok again? This dude (and I love Steve Zahn) in his acid washed 505s gets to grab her ass and she's all (!) like the Coppertone Baby? WHAT? Read previous paragraphs re: feminists fighting for the right to not have your ass grabbed. Oh I know, don't even start. I'm sure it's funny and he's her loser boyfriend and it's totally consensual but coming from someone who has literally fought guys to the ground or up against the wall on more than one occasion for doing this exact same thing: THANKS. Thanks for just completely unraveling all of that progress. This is one image that I actually had to walk away from because I was so offended by it. It seems innocuous. And that's the danger. What's a little ass-grabbing right? But the image, making it kind of quirky and funny and OH! (titter, giggle, feminine helplessness! oopsie doopsie, it's my poopsie!) makes. Me. Fucking. Furious.

But then, as is often the case, I somehow stumble, while looking for eau de oppopanax, this genius. Boomtown Boudoir.

And everything's ok again. Because at least we have a voice.