my heart is a canary

and my heart is a canary

that I send in to the mines

and over and over again

she doesn’t come back out

and I go in anyway.

To find her.


written 2005

ice blue sex

ice blue drew me in
and i dreamed of sex for the first time in forever
we flew across high streets on hills, bars with mod orange and ocean bright lights
lived and kissed and
seeing, witnessing, living everything in sight
the tremors of dis-control
sleek pathways through city lights and gorgeous nights
the first love i've had in so long
so desperately, unbetrayedly long
and i watched you all day, knowing i don't love you in real life
even though you do have a way with a sweater and levis


last night is mine

The Fires of '68

You had to think on your feet, you had to remember how much you had to pull from
you remember the water mains
you remember the fires of '68

no one was ready
no one saw it coming

but you

those sky licking red hot flames, furious with black smoke
seeking to destroy
fury and torpor all at once, reckless destiny
and a careless shrugging god

you remembered the mains. you knew where you had to pull from
you knew what it would take to stave this beast of conflagration: more than it had

you have to survive it. you have to pull from everywhere.
you have to look it in the eyes and dare it.
you have to match this monster.

as if every celebration were a war
as if every war
were a celebration.

one tiny tomb

you got outfoxed
you never learned
how to lie like me

silent
becoming
stilling the sadness

thistle stuck throat
white pastures cut with barbed wire

teaching yourself not to be the wanderer,
the seeker

but slowly

gathering the fabric
slowly under the table
tasting it with your fingers
under that immutable oak
tempting it with a tease, the gentle pull, temptation of the never pulled-off party trick
but wouldn't the place look great
in flames

you knew what this stone was for.

encasing yourself
in hushed
and whispering wonders

to forge your tomb under the covers

well i'll tell you what you reckless despot

silence knows what speaking is for.

confirmation

Pray, Discipline, that you never see me again.

count your blessings that we will never be in the same building. car. kitchen.
train to D.C.
underground through New York City

and despair the chance it should happen in Paris

exhale at the thought that we will not see these eyes at the same gathering, any gathering, that I never feel your breath that close again

whatever forces you believe in, expansion, contraction, adhere to their laws and stick close to the walls

come to know Faith.
Believe.

Pray.

that you’ll never have my fingers touching your neck, beguiling you with the only charms I’ve learned and some I’ll come to know, opening your closed book with my smile.

because if I ever see you again, I will inhale every breath you breathe. I will swallow you and hold you inside; I will extinguish your doubt. I will linger on your thoughts until decay. I will seep into your heart like ink spilled on clean white paper, never to be written on again.

you will never see the light of day.

so pray.